retard.

dude from another forum posted this a few years ago and then reposted it just recently.it's a nasty/hilarious story about...well, just read :

I have a staph infection on my arm so I'm on some antibiotics. Antibiotics have always literally fucked my shit up, but never to this degree.

I got home from work and explosively painted the walls of my toilet, then congratulated myself on the excellent poop noises I was making. Lots of splattery farts punctuated with near-orgasm moans and grunts of "Oh yeah, oh fuck yeah." I flushed the shitty soup like a proud father dropping his first-born off at college and went back to my video game.

A little later I went to take a piss. As I was pissing, I felt a fart looming and figured, hey, what the fuck am I right ? so I gave a fart-level push... and sprayed my underwear with a generous coating of gelatinous feces.

"Aww, AWWWWW !" I declared, and started trying to take my pants and underoos off while still taking a piss, succeeding in laying a fine sheen of urine over much of my bathroom in the process and getting my pants to about halfway to my knees. Finally my pissing abated and I could focus all my energy on attacking the pants, but as I bent over to pull my pants from my feet, splat ! A hefty glob of shit drips from my ass onto the waiting floor.

"Aww, AWWWWW !" I declared again, trying to decide if cleaning the shit up off my floor was more important or if my priority should be to getting my shitty gonch to wherever you put shitty gonch ? It suddenly dawns on me that I have no idea what one does with soiled underdrawers. I can't imagine washing these fuckers by hand but putting them in the washer with all my other whites seems... crude. I decide to toss them in the sink and start running hot water over them for the time being, then wad some toilet paper and start trying to goop up the floor loaf. It stuck to the toilet paper greedily like the symbiote attatching itself to Eddie Brock and I start getting vivid images of becoming a Fecal Venom with shitty powers flashing in my head. I near-panickingly toss the wipe in the toilet and try to gather myself.

"Oh shit, I still have a shitty ass to deal with !!" I remember, and sit down on the toilet to mix up a second pot of turd gumbo. That portion of my evening accomplished squarely I go to wipe my ass without considering that I've been running around the bathroom with a shittied up ass for the last five minutes. My hand goes right through the pathetic wad of toilet paper and I bury myself two knuckles deep in shitty crack.

"Aww, AWWWWWWWWWW !" I insist at the top of my lungs. I know I'm beat but I attempt one more wipe with the other hand, very, very gently. It comes back from the lab soaked with assy juice and my heart sinks. I know what must be done: I strip my remaining clothes and jump in the shower and scoop the shit out by hand, trying to be thankful that this all happened at home instead of the alternative but in reality mostly being miserable about having my hands in my shitty ass.


i'm so fucking sore from laughing right now.awesome story.i'm sure we've all been through something like that.

LOL!! This guy is an amazing story teller. I especially enjoy his analogies: "..like the symbiote attaching itself to Eddie Brock".

French Advertisement for AIDS!



AWESOME!

LOL what the FUCK ?

okay, so something has to top this as funniest thing i've seen so far this year.my sides are fucking killing me from laughter


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_thFIwpUCQ

That's the dumbest thing I have ever seen. I didn't understand one fucking word.

yeah dem muthafuckas is crazy.i love where dude yells BLEP right before the other guy takes off on the skates.buncha brokenheads.